I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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