i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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