I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize