We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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