you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize