somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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