I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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