Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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