Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So much Jack, so little girl.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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