I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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