I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
