So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
