Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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