Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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