Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
