you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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