she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
