5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
