I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
