Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
