yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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