you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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