ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
