After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
