At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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