i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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