Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
