I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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