Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
