Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
