Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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