You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
