How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
