maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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