Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I stole a fireplace last night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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