3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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