I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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