He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
