I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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