and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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