I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
