His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
