Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
