I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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