I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
