so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize