So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
