I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
