Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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