Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
