My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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