Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
