He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize