never play flip cup with pint glasses
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
