I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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