i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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