the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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