that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
