Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
