They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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