I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize