You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
this hospital has no fireball
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You ate ashes out of my bong
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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