i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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