whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
