i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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