whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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