Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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