end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
