i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
