its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
