Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
