i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
