when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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