my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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