I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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