WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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