New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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