Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
