Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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