I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
