FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
