Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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