The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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