I faked an abortion last night.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
