U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize