Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
