yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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