did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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