i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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