Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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