I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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