I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
