"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
