Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just threw up on my dentist
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
